Monday, June 29, 2009

Our Club is on it's way!

Well we just had another successful event here at Sideways Climax and I am so proud of everyone doing their part to make it as amazing as I know it will turn out to be. I have to say that when we first got our manager I was a bit wary of giving up control and trusting that someone else would be able to do the work without constant hand holding (no offense to her of course. just had to do this in the past) but after the Grand Opening of Sideways Climax and seeing her in action with the employees I was reassured that she could get the job done to my high standards and satisfaction and I have to say that I'm grateful and happy that she is on our great team. I have high hopes for the club as I'm sure she does too and I look forward to many more successful events and gaining more prestige in the Second Life Nightlife/Hip Hop community.

We are always looking for new employees such as Dancers, Hosts, and DJs so be sure to check us out in Second Life or IM Scorpioness Soulstar for an application and more information!


BDSM: My View

As stated in the previous post on BDSM, it stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.

BDSM is seen as a kink by norm standards. We are taught to view anything NOT vanilla as taboo and wrong or strange and unusual.

First I must clarify one thing. BDSM (especially a D/s relationship) is NOT about sex. Most watch porn and see that they are having sex and naturally correlate the two together, saying you can't have one without the other. This is completely untrue. You can have a complete D/s relationship without any sexual contact whatsoever.

Submission is about serving. A sub's natural tendencies are to make their dominant partner happy in whatever way they can. They find comfort and pleasure in this relationship. To explain the submissive's mind...The world of today is very chaotic. There is always the rat race to be number one and to make it to the top, jostling and pushing for that position and there is never a moment to settle down and rest, to give up control. Although some find this comfort and peace in a D/s relationship. To not have to worry about an uncertain position in life, to be jostled mentally and emotionally constantly with this question of where they belong because they are reminded of their place every day that they are with their dominant. They can find peace in that one constant. They find contentment in being told what to do and how to do things because there is very little thought involved sometimes in this. They can release and let go...let someone else take care of it and not worry as much and focus on one thing, their partner's pleasure. We are faced with so many choices every minute of everyday and can be found tiring but to focus on one thing can make one feel better and more safe.

The aspects of humiliation, punishment, bondage and other forms of fetishes are personal kinks really. Things that they eroticize and turns them on. Everyone has their own personal likes and dislikes and it's no different for those that are in the lifestyle. Some live the lifestyle part time and only participate in scenes while others live a 24/7 lifestyle as much as they can. They mix aspects of their normal routine with their roles. A sub may be ordered to do all house chores, serve food, take care of their dominant, etc. While the dominant oversees their work and makes sure they are doing what needs to be done, exacting punishment when they do not do things according to rules or guidelines set.

I cannot talk for all dominants but just for myself. Every dominant gets something different out of the experience and role. I for one love the companionship of it and the control. It's not something that can be easily explained and understood but I will try my best to convey how i feel and the pleasure I receive to better help in your understandings....

I have three submissives at the moment- two males and one female. I do not do a cookie cutter routine on my submissives. They are individuals and have their own minds, likes, dislikes, personalities, limits, etc and every part of that should be looked at and taken into consideration. It is the dominants role to teach, show them new avenues and force their submissives to new heights that they never even thought was possible. This makes a good dominant in my opinion. I find pleasure in seeing my submissives learning more and more about themselves, reaching new levels and pushing themselves until they break the barriers that they and society have set for them, to realize that their potential is limitless. I find comfort in my pets and having them by my side and at my feet. I do not collect slaves and only take on ones I feel a true connection with. The emotional connection as well as chemistry plays a huge part in any relationship including a D/s one.

Another role that plays a major key is TRUST and RESPECT. Without trust and respect there is no relationship. Trust is not given easily or immediately and to act like a submissive should trust you the minute you decide to accept them on trial is naive and unreasonable. This is gained through constant interactions and talks. Building rapport through discussions and getting to know one another. A bottom has to feel safe in order to give their submission, to trust that their dominant will respect their limits and stop when they reach a new limit and use the safeword. Respect is also not automatically given but most Dom(mes) believe that it should be just because of their title. This is rather silly in my opinion. Yes everyone accords some general respect but one should not strut around expecting every bottom to obey your every command just because you say you hold a dominant title. Harsh words and a whip does not a dominant make. *laughs*
A sub that knows what they are about will and have been in the lifestyle for quite a while will show you the respect that your title suggest but they will not probably obey a command you tell them just because of that title. So if you think that then you may be in for a rude surprise. Some enjoy taking command from all dominants and will readily do so but there are those that are picky and selective in who they choose to obey (i like these the best because it shows that they have a mind of their own and have good taste. haha).

Being a Domme in second life I have seen many things that cause me to shake my head in disappointment. Some dominants believe that a harsh command and a crack of a whip will make them a dominant, it qualifies them as one, but sadly it doesn't. A true sub will recognize a true dom(me) very quickly and realize the difference soon enough after talking with one. I have seen many financial dominants calling for piggies and whatnot and are little more than prostitutes in my eyes. While I enjoy financial domination and control i do not go patrolling in groups for people to pay my way or buy me this or that. It shows that you are not doing it for the domination factor but for the money plain and simple. I do it for the control and I enjoy it because my pets find true pleasure in getting me things. They do it of their own volition without me asking for a dime which is what I truly love. Asking for money...or even demanding it in groups is little more than patrolling like an escort for a john in my eyes and lacks dignity.

I love all types of things and aspects of bdsm and have my own sets of special kinks that I wont go into at the moment because it's really just too long. haha.

Everyone has their own limits; some have hard limits which they are not willing to do under any circumstances and also soft limits which they will do with the right person. But one thing to remember in any D/s relationship or scene is to establish safeword to be used to signal the subs limits have been reached.

I'm getting a bit tired now so I will end it here for now. I believe I have gotten enough of my blog started to satisfy many and I hope you enjoyed. Have a good night!

BDSM by Wiki

This is just the definition that Wikipedia gives. I thought I would give another, outside and objective opinion and view to counteract my own to make things fair..

BDSM is a complex acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities and forms of interpersonal relationships. While not always overtly sexual in nature, the activities and relationships within a BDSM context are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of hese practices fall outside of commonly held social norms regarding sexuality and human relationships.

Many activities can be found under the umbrella of BDSM, which include- but are not limited to- forms of dominance, submission, discipline, punishment, bondage, sexual roleplaying, sexual fetishism, sadomasochism, and power exchange, as well as the full spectrum of mainstream personal and sexual interactions.

An important distinction is that BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse- although some BDSM activities may appear to be violent or coercive, such activities are conducted with the consent of all parties involved. BDSM relationships and practices are exercised under the philosophy of "safe, sane and consensual" (SSC), or the somewhat more persmissive philosophy of "risk-aware consensual kink" (RACK).

Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles. Typically, participants who are active- applying the activity or exercising control over others- are known as the Tops or Dominants. Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals who move between top/dominant roles and bottom/submissive roles- either periodically within a relationship, or from relationship to relationship- are known as Switches.

BDSM is often practiced within the context of a limited and defined encounter known as a BDSM scene. Such scenes often have ritualistic aspects complete with modes of behavior, forms of address, codes of conduct, dress codes, and many other aspects of theater and role playing. As such encounters are often- but not always- at least partly sexual in nature, people outside of BDSM have a tendency to view it as a form of "kinky sex".

Some participants incorporate aspects of BDSM into their everyday relationships with their partners, especially those who practice dominance and submission or power exchange (especially Total Power Exchange). For these individuals, BDSM is a part of their lifestyle and in some discussions is referred to as "The Lifestyle".

BDSM typically involves one partner voluntarily giving up control. The submissive partner gives control to the dominant partner in a ritualized interaction known as power exchange. The dominant partner is referred to as the "Dom", "Domme", "Dominant","Top","Master", or "Mistress and the submissive partner is called "sub","thrall","submissive","bottom","slave", or "pet".

BDSM actions often take place during a specific period of time agreed to by both parties, referred to as "play","a scene", or a "session". All parties involved usually derive pleasure from this, even though many of the practices that are performed, such as inflicting pain, humiliation or being restrained would be considered unpleasant under normal circumstances. Sexual intercourse, be it oral, anal, or vaginal, may occur within a session, but is not essential.

The fundamental principles for the exercise of BDSM require that it should be performed by mature and responsible partners, of their own volition, and in a safe way. Some BDSM practitioners prefer a code of behavior that differs from "SSC" and described as "Risk Aware Consensual Kink" (RACK), indicating a preference of a style in which the individual responsibility of the involved parties is emphasized more strongly, with each participant being responsible for his or her own well-being. RACK focuses primarily upon awareness and informed consent, rather than accepted safe practices. The consent and compliance for a sadomasochistic situation can be granted only by people who are able to judge the potential results. For their consent, they must have all relevant information at hand and the necessary mental capacity to judge. The resulting consent and understanding is often summarized in a "contract", an agreement of what can and cannot take place.

It must be possible for the partner to withdraw their consent at any time by using a safeword agreed upon in advance of the scene. Once used the Dominant stops whatever they are doing without question or hesitation and respects their partners limits. Without this there can be no trust and to ignore a safeword is the worst possible thing a Dominant can do in a scene even if they do not inflict any harm upon them. An entire Dominance and Submission relationship is based and valued on trust. Trust that the submissive's Dominant will take care of them and stop when they have reached their limits.

You may read more on the wikipedia page ....

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Now as I've stated before, I am fully entrenched in the BDSM lifestyle in second life. I am also a Mistress in real as well.

Many see BDSM as the taboo or something to be feared and hated. It is perverted and wrong. How can someone gain pleasure from pain or such degradation you may wonder? The Tops must be bullies that like to get their kicks from hurting others and are extremely sadistic and should be locked away for some of the things they try to do to others. These may be things that run through an outsider's head when they think about this lifestyle. And yet they judge what they truly do not know and that saddens me to no end.

First off, BDSM stands for Bondage and discipline, Dominance and submission, and Sadism and Masochism. Each part of it can be mixed with another or the entire thing can blend into one. It is all based on your specific needs and wants at any given time.

It is also based on trust from both parties. Without this the entire thing crumbles and you can never have a truly satisfying scene or relationship. The bottom is not an unwilling partner in all these activities and they are in their right state of mind when they agree to such things. They are made fully aware of the dangers or risks and also given a safe word. There are two guiding principles that lifestylers may choose to follow- RACK or SSC. In RACK, the bottom knows the inherent risks involved in the scene and accepts them. In SSC the sub is given a safeword to use when their limits have been reached during a scene.

I am a firm believer in SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) play because it establishes a bridge of trust. My submissives/slaves always trust that when they use their safeword to call a halt to the play that I will stop. They also trust me enough that they have never needed to use it. There are many views on what makes a good dom(me) and the criteria. It's all a matter of opinion really. But in my eyes, a good dom(me) knows their submissive's limits and knows when to push and when to back down. They are well in tune with their submissive/pet/slave to know when to push a certain button. But they also know the value of communication. Regularly talking with their slaves to get to know them and their minds. This relaxed atmosphere creates a bond as well as a comfort zone for the submissive. I personally make sure to keep an open dialog with all my pets at all times so that they feel free to express their thoughts and feelings with me at any time. I want to know everything about my submissive- what they think, feel, dream, desire, abhor. I want to get into their minds to understand how they tick. A good dom(me) also inspires their submissives to new heights. They look for their growth as well. Like any relationship if it stays stagnant then there will be no growth or learning. I encourage all my pets to learn more because it can bring them to new heights of pleasure and awareness within themselves. They learn more about themselves then they ever thought possible. They must also always know their place, be reminded of it. I am loving and sweet with my pets but they NEVER forget that I am their owner and they are my pet. This actually brings them a sense of peace. In the world there are only two positions in life, number one and trying to be number one. It is chaos and uncertainty but in the world of D/s there is no uncertainty. The submissive can let go and focus on one thing, serving their Owner and making them happy.

I will add more later....muah

Second Life: My winding road to now...

The day i rezzed in SL, I was graced with the name of KaylenaMaria Destiny. While the name I chose rolled of one's tongue in an exotic lilt, little did I realize how truly long it was and how the uniqueness of it would be completely lost in translation as people I encountered proceeded to slice, diced, and mince my name to a sweet edited version of Kay. So that being said, please feel free to call me Kay- everyone else does. ~laughss~

The day I rezzed my newbie form into second life some odd years ago, I was immediately lost, adrift, confused and about to be overwhelmed. There was so much of this new world that I did not understand or comprehend. Looking at all the buttons crowding on my computer screen caused my head to ache and brow to furrow as I randomly pressed buttons trying to learn their purpose, meaning and usefulness to me. I had no friends, my form was horrible and even I knew that I was looking rather ragged. My only friend and lifeline at that moment was the small HUD at the top of my screen directing me through the ragtag tutorial to get a crash course in the second life world. After trying to learn how to fly and bumping into so many walls I was surprised I didn't permanently damage my new avatar, I was about to throw my hands up in defeat when I remembered a friend from another site that told me he had switched over. I looked up the logs to remind myself of his name and proceeded to search him down and immediately add him to my friends list. My mind felt a bit lighter and at peace knowing that I was not completely and utterly alone in this new place. After a day or so he accepted my request and started to show me around. He took me to stores to load up on all the wonderful freebies. I have to say that I really rocked my freebie look at the time. lolz

After shopping and getting all the clothes that I possibly could at the time we proceeded to head out and explore. He took me skiing, mountain bike climbing -at which point and time I got lost- and then to the beach where we surfed and relaxed. I was amazed at the time but my brain wasn't fully comprehending all the things that second life had to offer. I was on overload and dealing with only a few things at one time to better process things.

After a bit more exploring on my own I met a new friend at a romantic ballroom. I thought he looked cute and was very sweet. My Latino crush. ~laughs~ He wore so much bling that I felt I should've been wearing sunglasses but he was a veteran to me, someone that knew what things were about. We went horseback riding, pose ball hopping, club hopping, romantic walks and talks, amusement parks, and so much more. I loved spending time with him and it all made me happy. After a while I was feeling guilty for deserting my friends on my old site and decided to return for a while more. I made new loves...and new exes. Because of a scandal at the time I deleted my profile on second life to stop wagging tongues. One of my friends...turned out to be my future second life brother and his pet, my sister-n-law.

To run down memory lane...

I met him in a club that I was sitting at and regularly attended on the virtual site. Watching people and reading profiles when he suddenly IMed me from the table over. We began to talk and had a little game of trivia for one another. As time passed we talked more. For some reason we developed a kinship of sorts, an understanding. He quickly drew me into his world of friends and I was even more fully immersed into the BDSM world. Over time our friendship further developed and he looked upon me as a younger sister and I looked upon him as my older brother. I accepted him...and him me...It was a freeing feeling to know someone has your back. I've never really had an older brother I can look up to and spend time with so it was a nice feeling. He soon got a pet that was completely devoted to him. Her and I became friends...then sisters. After a while he became bored on that site and decided to move over to Second Life and take his pet, soon to be his wife, over with him on second life. I stayed in the old site for a bit more due to my relationship at the time...But soon followed and joined them in their life.

We became a family, a very tight nit family that I came to depend on in there at the time. But all was not well...As with any life, drama ensued and my brother soon left second life to escape it. I followed a bit after to go my own way. Had more relationships and heartache...But through it all I found who my real friends and family were there. I now have my brother and best friend and daughter. All of whom I love dearly...

I also have my pets/subs on second life and that is a joy to me as well...

Hmmm...Well that is all I will right for now. You have the story of what brought me to second life...I'll right more soon...G'night!