Monday, June 29, 2009

BDSM: My View

As stated in the previous post on BDSM, it stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.

BDSM is seen as a kink by norm standards. We are taught to view anything NOT vanilla as taboo and wrong or strange and unusual.

First I must clarify one thing. BDSM (especially a D/s relationship) is NOT about sex. Most watch porn and see that they are having sex and naturally correlate the two together, saying you can't have one without the other. This is completely untrue. You can have a complete D/s relationship without any sexual contact whatsoever.

Submission is about serving. A sub's natural tendencies are to make their dominant partner happy in whatever way they can. They find comfort and pleasure in this relationship. To explain the submissive's mind...The world of today is very chaotic. There is always the rat race to be number one and to make it to the top, jostling and pushing for that position and there is never a moment to settle down and rest, to give up control. Although some find this comfort and peace in a D/s relationship. To not have to worry about an uncertain position in life, to be jostled mentally and emotionally constantly with this question of where they belong because they are reminded of their place every day that they are with their dominant. They can find peace in that one constant. They find contentment in being told what to do and how to do things because there is very little thought involved sometimes in this. They can release and let go...let someone else take care of it and not worry as much and focus on one thing, their partner's pleasure. We are faced with so many choices every minute of everyday and can be found tiring but to focus on one thing can make one feel better and more safe.

The aspects of humiliation, punishment, bondage and other forms of fetishes are personal kinks really. Things that they eroticize and turns them on. Everyone has their own personal likes and dislikes and it's no different for those that are in the lifestyle. Some live the lifestyle part time and only participate in scenes while others live a 24/7 lifestyle as much as they can. They mix aspects of their normal routine with their roles. A sub may be ordered to do all house chores, serve food, take care of their dominant, etc. While the dominant oversees their work and makes sure they are doing what needs to be done, exacting punishment when they do not do things according to rules or guidelines set.

I cannot talk for all dominants but just for myself. Every dominant gets something different out of the experience and role. I for one love the companionship of it and the control. It's not something that can be easily explained and understood but I will try my best to convey how i feel and the pleasure I receive to better help in your understandings....

I have three submissives at the moment- two males and one female. I do not do a cookie cutter routine on my submissives. They are individuals and have their own minds, likes, dislikes, personalities, limits, etc and every part of that should be looked at and taken into consideration. It is the dominants role to teach, show them new avenues and force their submissives to new heights that they never even thought was possible. This makes a good dominant in my opinion. I find pleasure in seeing my submissives learning more and more about themselves, reaching new levels and pushing themselves until they break the barriers that they and society have set for them, to realize that their potential is limitless. I find comfort in my pets and having them by my side and at my feet. I do not collect slaves and only take on ones I feel a true connection with. The emotional connection as well as chemistry plays a huge part in any relationship including a D/s one.

Another role that plays a major key is TRUST and RESPECT. Without trust and respect there is no relationship. Trust is not given easily or immediately and to act like a submissive should trust you the minute you decide to accept them on trial is naive and unreasonable. This is gained through constant interactions and talks. Building rapport through discussions and getting to know one another. A bottom has to feel safe in order to give their submission, to trust that their dominant will respect their limits and stop when they reach a new limit and use the safeword. Respect is also not automatically given but most Dom(mes) believe that it should be just because of their title. This is rather silly in my opinion. Yes everyone accords some general respect but one should not strut around expecting every bottom to obey your every command just because you say you hold a dominant title. Harsh words and a whip does not a dominant make. *laughs*
A sub that knows what they are about will and have been in the lifestyle for quite a while will show you the respect that your title suggest but they will not probably obey a command you tell them just because of that title. So if you think that then you may be in for a rude surprise. Some enjoy taking command from all dominants and will readily do so but there are those that are picky and selective in who they choose to obey (i like these the best because it shows that they have a mind of their own and have good taste. haha).

Being a Domme in second life I have seen many things that cause me to shake my head in disappointment. Some dominants believe that a harsh command and a crack of a whip will make them a dominant, it qualifies them as one, but sadly it doesn't. A true sub will recognize a true dom(me) very quickly and realize the difference soon enough after talking with one. I have seen many financial dominants calling for piggies and whatnot and are little more than prostitutes in my eyes. While I enjoy financial domination and control i do not go patrolling in groups for people to pay my way or buy me this or that. It shows that you are not doing it for the domination factor but for the money plain and simple. I do it for the control and I enjoy it because my pets find true pleasure in getting me things. They do it of their own volition without me asking for a dime which is what I truly love. Asking for money...or even demanding it in groups is little more than patrolling like an escort for a john in my eyes and lacks dignity.

I love all types of things and aspects of bdsm and have my own sets of special kinks that I wont go into at the moment because it's really just too long. haha.

Everyone has their own limits; some have hard limits which they are not willing to do under any circumstances and also soft limits which they will do with the right person. But one thing to remember in any D/s relationship or scene is to establish safeword to be used to signal the subs limits have been reached.

I'm getting a bit tired now so I will end it here for now. I believe I have gotten enough of my blog started to satisfy many and I hope you enjoyed. Have a good night!

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