Well we just had another successful event here at Sideways Climax and I am so proud of everyone doing their part to make it as amazing as I know it will turn out to be. I have to say that when we first got our manager I was a bit wary of giving up control and trusting that someone else would be able to do the work without constant hand holding (no offense to her of course. just had to do this in the past) but after the Grand Opening of Sideways Climax and seeing her in action with the employees I was reassured that she could get the job done to my high standards and satisfaction and I have to say that I'm grateful and happy that she is on our great team. I have high hopes for the club as I'm sure she does too and I look forward to many more successful events and gaining more prestige in the Second Life Nightlife/Hip Hop community.
We are always looking for new employees such as Dancers, Hosts, and DJs so be sure to check us out in Second Life or IM Scorpioness Soulstar for an application and more information!
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Monday, June 29, 2009
BDSM: My View
As stated in the previous post on BDSM, it stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.
BDSM is seen as a kink by norm standards. We are taught to view anything NOT vanilla as taboo and wrong or strange and unusual.
First I must clarify one thing. BDSM (especially a D/s relationship) is NOT about sex. Most watch porn and see that they are having sex and naturally correlate the two together, saying you can't have one without the other. This is completely untrue. You can have a complete D/s relationship without any sexual contact whatsoever.
Submission is about serving. A sub's natural tendencies are to make their dominant partner happy in whatever way they can. They find comfort and pleasure in this relationship. To explain the submissive's mind...The world of today is very chaotic. There is always the rat race to be number one and to make it to the top, jostling and pushing for that position and there is never a moment to settle down and rest, to give up control. Although some find this comfort and peace in a D/s relationship. To not have to worry about an uncertain position in life, to be jostled mentally and emotionally constantly with this question of where they belong because they are reminded of their place every day that they are with their dominant. They can find peace in that one constant. They find contentment in being told what to do and how to do things because there is very little thought involved sometimes in this. They can release and let go...let someone else take care of it and not worry as much and focus on one thing, their partner's pleasure. We are faced with so many choices every minute of everyday and can be found tiring but to focus on one thing can make one feel better and more safe.
The aspects of humiliation, punishment, bondage and other forms of fetishes are personal kinks really. Things that they eroticize and turns them on. Everyone has their own personal likes and dislikes and it's no different for those that are in the lifestyle. Some live the lifestyle part time and only participate in scenes while others live a 24/7 lifestyle as much as they can. They mix aspects of their normal routine with their roles. A sub may be ordered to do all house chores, serve food, take care of their dominant, etc. While the dominant oversees their work and makes sure they are doing what needs to be done, exacting punishment when they do not do things according to rules or guidelines set.
I cannot talk for all dominants but just for myself. Every dominant gets something different out of the experience and role. I for one love the companionship of it and the control. It's not something that can be easily explained and understood but I will try my best to convey how i feel and the pleasure I receive to better help in your understandings....
I have three submissives at the moment- two males and one female. I do not do a cookie cutter routine on my submissives. They are individuals and have their own minds, likes, dislikes, personalities, limits, etc and every part of that should be looked at and taken into consideration. It is the dominants role to teach, show them new avenues and force their submissives to new heights that they never even thought was possible. This makes a good dominant in my opinion. I find pleasure in seeing my submissives learning more and more about themselves, reaching new levels and pushing themselves until they break the barriers that they and society have set for them, to realize that their potential is limitless. I find comfort in my pets and having them by my side and at my feet. I do not collect slaves and only take on ones I feel a true connection with. The emotional connection as well as chemistry plays a huge part in any relationship including a D/s one.
Another role that plays a major key is TRUST and RESPECT. Without trust and respect there is no relationship. Trust is not given easily or immediately and to act like a submissive should trust you the minute you decide to accept them on trial is naive and unreasonable. This is gained through constant interactions and talks. Building rapport through discussions and getting to know one another. A bottom has to feel safe in order to give their submission, to trust that their dominant will respect their limits and stop when they reach a new limit and use the safeword. Respect is also not automatically given but most Dom(mes) believe that it should be just because of their title. This is rather silly in my opinion. Yes everyone accords some general respect but one should not strut around expecting every bottom to obey your every command just because you say you hold a dominant title. Harsh words and a whip does not a dominant make. *laughs*
A sub that knows what they are about will and have been in the lifestyle for quite a while will show you the respect that your title suggest but they will not probably obey a command you tell them just because of that title. So if you think that then you may be in for a rude surprise. Some enjoy taking command from all dominants and will readily do so but there are those that are picky and selective in who they choose to obey (i like these the best because it shows that they have a mind of their own and have good taste. haha).
Being a Domme in second life I have seen many things that cause me to shake my head in disappointment. Some dominants believe that a harsh command and a crack of a whip will make them a dominant, it qualifies them as one, but sadly it doesn't. A true sub will recognize a true dom(me) very quickly and realize the difference soon enough after talking with one. I have seen many financial dominants calling for piggies and whatnot and are little more than prostitutes in my eyes. While I enjoy financial domination and control i do not go patrolling in groups for people to pay my way or buy me this or that. It shows that you are not doing it for the domination factor but for the money plain and simple. I do it for the control and I enjoy it because my pets find true pleasure in getting me things. They do it of their own volition without me asking for a dime which is what I truly love. Asking for money...or even demanding it in groups is little more than patrolling like an escort for a john in my eyes and lacks dignity.
I love all types of things and aspects of bdsm and have my own sets of special kinks that I wont go into at the moment because it's really just too long. haha.
Everyone has their own limits; some have hard limits which they are not willing to do under any circumstances and also soft limits which they will do with the right person. But one thing to remember in any D/s relationship or scene is to establish safeword to be used to signal the subs limits have been reached.
I'm getting a bit tired now so I will end it here for now. I believe I have gotten enough of my blog started to satisfy many and I hope you enjoyed. Have a good night!
BDSM is seen as a kink by norm standards. We are taught to view anything NOT vanilla as taboo and wrong or strange and unusual.
First I must clarify one thing. BDSM (especially a D/s relationship) is NOT about sex. Most watch porn and see that they are having sex and naturally correlate the two together, saying you can't have one without the other. This is completely untrue. You can have a complete D/s relationship without any sexual contact whatsoever.
Submission is about serving. A sub's natural tendencies are to make their dominant partner happy in whatever way they can. They find comfort and pleasure in this relationship. To explain the submissive's mind...The world of today is very chaotic. There is always the rat race to be number one and to make it to the top, jostling and pushing for that position and there is never a moment to settle down and rest, to give up control. Although some find this comfort and peace in a D/s relationship. To not have to worry about an uncertain position in life, to be jostled mentally and emotionally constantly with this question of where they belong because they are reminded of their place every day that they are with their dominant. They can find peace in that one constant. They find contentment in being told what to do and how to do things because there is very little thought involved sometimes in this. They can release and let go...let someone else take care of it and not worry as much and focus on one thing, their partner's pleasure. We are faced with so many choices every minute of everyday and can be found tiring but to focus on one thing can make one feel better and more safe.
The aspects of humiliation, punishment, bondage and other forms of fetishes are personal kinks really. Things that they eroticize and turns them on. Everyone has their own personal likes and dislikes and it's no different for those that are in the lifestyle. Some live the lifestyle part time and only participate in scenes while others live a 24/7 lifestyle as much as they can. They mix aspects of their normal routine with their roles. A sub may be ordered to do all house chores, serve food, take care of their dominant, etc. While the dominant oversees their work and makes sure they are doing what needs to be done, exacting punishment when they do not do things according to rules or guidelines set.
I cannot talk for all dominants but just for myself. Every dominant gets something different out of the experience and role. I for one love the companionship of it and the control. It's not something that can be easily explained and understood but I will try my best to convey how i feel and the pleasure I receive to better help in your understandings....
I have three submissives at the moment- two males and one female. I do not do a cookie cutter routine on my submissives. They are individuals and have their own minds, likes, dislikes, personalities, limits, etc and every part of that should be looked at and taken into consideration. It is the dominants role to teach, show them new avenues and force their submissives to new heights that they never even thought was possible. This makes a good dominant in my opinion. I find pleasure in seeing my submissives learning more and more about themselves, reaching new levels and pushing themselves until they break the barriers that they and society have set for them, to realize that their potential is limitless. I find comfort in my pets and having them by my side and at my feet. I do not collect slaves and only take on ones I feel a true connection with. The emotional connection as well as chemistry plays a huge part in any relationship including a D/s one.
Another role that plays a major key is TRUST and RESPECT. Without trust and respect there is no relationship. Trust is not given easily or immediately and to act like a submissive should trust you the minute you decide to accept them on trial is naive and unreasonable. This is gained through constant interactions and talks. Building rapport through discussions and getting to know one another. A bottom has to feel safe in order to give their submission, to trust that their dominant will respect their limits and stop when they reach a new limit and use the safeword. Respect is also not automatically given but most Dom(mes) believe that it should be just because of their title. This is rather silly in my opinion. Yes everyone accords some general respect but one should not strut around expecting every bottom to obey your every command just because you say you hold a dominant title. Harsh words and a whip does not a dominant make. *laughs*
A sub that knows what they are about will and have been in the lifestyle for quite a while will show you the respect that your title suggest but they will not probably obey a command you tell them just because of that title. So if you think that then you may be in for a rude surprise. Some enjoy taking command from all dominants and will readily do so but there are those that are picky and selective in who they choose to obey (i like these the best because it shows that they have a mind of their own and have good taste. haha).
Being a Domme in second life I have seen many things that cause me to shake my head in disappointment. Some dominants believe that a harsh command and a crack of a whip will make them a dominant, it qualifies them as one, but sadly it doesn't. A true sub will recognize a true dom(me) very quickly and realize the difference soon enough after talking with one. I have seen many financial dominants calling for piggies and whatnot and are little more than prostitutes in my eyes. While I enjoy financial domination and control i do not go patrolling in groups for people to pay my way or buy me this or that. It shows that you are not doing it for the domination factor but for the money plain and simple. I do it for the control and I enjoy it because my pets find true pleasure in getting me things. They do it of their own volition without me asking for a dime which is what I truly love. Asking for money...or even demanding it in groups is little more than patrolling like an escort for a john in my eyes and lacks dignity.
I love all types of things and aspects of bdsm and have my own sets of special kinks that I wont go into at the moment because it's really just too long. haha.
Everyone has their own limits; some have hard limits which they are not willing to do under any circumstances and also soft limits which they will do with the right person. But one thing to remember in any D/s relationship or scene is to establish safeword to be used to signal the subs limits have been reached.
I'm getting a bit tired now so I will end it here for now. I believe I have gotten enough of my blog started to satisfy many and I hope you enjoyed. Have a good night!
BDSM by Wiki
This is just the definition that Wikipedia gives. I thought I would give another, outside and objective opinion and view to counteract my own to make things fair..
BDSM is a complex acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities and forms of interpersonal relationships. While not always overtly sexual in nature, the activities and relationships within a BDSM context are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of hese practices fall outside of commonly held social norms regarding sexuality and human relationships.
Many activities can be found under the umbrella of BDSM, which include- but are not limited to- forms of dominance, submission, discipline, punishment, bondage, sexual roleplaying, sexual fetishism, sadomasochism, and power exchange, as well as the full spectrum of mainstream personal and sexual interactions.
An important distinction is that BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse- although some BDSM activities may appear to be violent or coercive, such activities are conducted with the consent of all parties involved. BDSM relationships and practices are exercised under the philosophy of "safe, sane and consensual" (SSC), or the somewhat more persmissive philosophy of "risk-aware consensual kink" (RACK).
Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles. Typically, participants who are active- applying the activity or exercising control over others- are known as the Tops or Dominants. Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals who move between top/dominant roles and bottom/submissive roles- either periodically within a relationship, or from relationship to relationship- are known as Switches.
BDSM is often practiced within the context of a limited and defined encounter known as a BDSM scene. Such scenes often have ritualistic aspects complete with modes of behavior, forms of address, codes of conduct, dress codes, and many other aspects of theater and role playing. As such encounters are often- but not always- at least partly sexual in nature, people outside of BDSM have a tendency to view it as a form of "kinky sex".
Some participants incorporate aspects of BDSM into their everyday relationships with their partners, especially those who practice dominance and submission or power exchange (especially Total Power Exchange). For these individuals, BDSM is a part of their lifestyle and in some discussions is referred to as "The Lifestyle".
BDSM typically involves one partner voluntarily giving up control. The submissive partner gives control to the dominant partner in a ritualized interaction known as power exchange. The dominant partner is referred to as the "Dom", "Domme", "Dominant","Top","Master", or "Mistress and the submissive partner is called "sub","thrall","submissive","bottom","slave", or "pet".
BDSM actions often take place during a specific period of time agreed to by both parties, referred to as "play","a scene", or a "session". All parties involved usually derive pleasure from this, even though many of the practices that are performed, such as inflicting pain, humiliation or being restrained would be considered unpleasant under normal circumstances. Sexual intercourse, be it oral, anal, or vaginal, may occur within a session, but is not essential.
The fundamental principles for the exercise of BDSM require that it should be performed by mature and responsible partners, of their own volition, and in a safe way. Some BDSM practitioners prefer a code of behavior that differs from "SSC" and described as "Risk Aware Consensual Kink" (RACK), indicating a preference of a style in which the individual responsibility of the involved parties is emphasized more strongly, with each participant being responsible for his or her own well-being. RACK focuses primarily upon awareness and informed consent, rather than accepted safe practices. The consent and compliance for a sadomasochistic situation can be granted only by people who are able to judge the potential results. For their consent, they must have all relevant information at hand and the necessary mental capacity to judge. The resulting consent and understanding is often summarized in a "contract", an agreement of what can and cannot take place.
It must be possible for the partner to withdraw their consent at any time by using a safeword agreed upon in advance of the scene. Once used the Dominant stops whatever they are doing without question or hesitation and respects their partners limits. Without this there can be no trust and to ignore a safeword is the worst possible thing a Dominant can do in a scene even if they do not inflict any harm upon them. An entire Dominance and Submission relationship is based and valued on trust. Trust that the submissive's Dominant will take care of them and stop when they have reached their limits.
You may read more on the wikipedia page ....
BDSM is a complex acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities and forms of interpersonal relationships. While not always overtly sexual in nature, the activities and relationships within a BDSM context are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of hese practices fall outside of commonly held social norms regarding sexuality and human relationships.
Many activities can be found under the umbrella of BDSM, which include- but are not limited to- forms of dominance, submission, discipline, punishment, bondage, sexual roleplaying, sexual fetishism, sadomasochism, and power exchange, as well as the full spectrum of mainstream personal and sexual interactions.
An important distinction is that BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse- although some BDSM activities may appear to be violent or coercive, such activities are conducted with the consent of all parties involved. BDSM relationships and practices are exercised under the philosophy of "safe, sane and consensual" (SSC), or the somewhat more persmissive philosophy of "risk-aware consensual kink" (RACK).
Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles. Typically, participants who are active- applying the activity or exercising control over others- are known as the Tops or Dominants. Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals who move between top/dominant roles and bottom/submissive roles- either periodically within a relationship, or from relationship to relationship- are known as Switches.
BDSM is often practiced within the context of a limited and defined encounter known as a BDSM scene. Such scenes often have ritualistic aspects complete with modes of behavior, forms of address, codes of conduct, dress codes, and many other aspects of theater and role playing. As such encounters are often- but not always- at least partly sexual in nature, people outside of BDSM have a tendency to view it as a form of "kinky sex".
Some participants incorporate aspects of BDSM into their everyday relationships with their partners, especially those who practice dominance and submission or power exchange (especially Total Power Exchange). For these individuals, BDSM is a part of their lifestyle and in some discussions is referred to as "The Lifestyle".
BDSM typically involves one partner voluntarily giving up control. The submissive partner gives control to the dominant partner in a ritualized interaction known as power exchange. The dominant partner is referred to as the "Dom", "Domme", "Dominant","Top","Master", or "Mistress and the submissive partner is called "sub","thrall","submissive","bottom","slave", or "pet".
BDSM actions often take place during a specific period of time agreed to by both parties, referred to as "play","a scene", or a "session". All parties involved usually derive pleasure from this, even though many of the practices that are performed, such as inflicting pain, humiliation or being restrained would be considered unpleasant under normal circumstances. Sexual intercourse, be it oral, anal, or vaginal, may occur within a session, but is not essential.
The fundamental principles for the exercise of BDSM require that it should be performed by mature and responsible partners, of their own volition, and in a safe way. Some BDSM practitioners prefer a code of behavior that differs from "SSC" and described as "Risk Aware Consensual Kink" (RACK), indicating a preference of a style in which the individual responsibility of the involved parties is emphasized more strongly, with each participant being responsible for his or her own well-being. RACK focuses primarily upon awareness and informed consent, rather than accepted safe practices. The consent and compliance for a sadomasochistic situation can be granted only by people who are able to judge the potential results. For their consent, they must have all relevant information at hand and the necessary mental capacity to judge. The resulting consent and understanding is often summarized in a "contract", an agreement of what can and cannot take place.
It must be possible for the partner to withdraw their consent at any time by using a safeword agreed upon in advance of the scene. Once used the Dominant stops whatever they are doing without question or hesitation and respects their partners limits. Without this there can be no trust and to ignore a safeword is the worst possible thing a Dominant can do in a scene even if they do not inflict any harm upon them. An entire Dominance and Submission relationship is based and valued on trust. Trust that the submissive's Dominant will take care of them and stop when they have reached their limits.
You may read more on the wikipedia page ....
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